Whine About Wine


Pinot noir won’t get you far but I would disagree,

Others say that cabernet is where you want to be.


Apple cider is my drink, it reminds me of that garden.

If Eden was fabulous, why did Adam need a pardon?


Wine experts are obnoxious, they all become so snobby,

They’ll pronounce what’s good or bad—they joined the big grape lobby.


If you come from Pasadena,

You might like Gewürztraminer. 


Do you fancy a complex Cabernet,

Or freshly bottled beaujolais?


Each one’s a surprise—no guarantee,

A Grigio or aged Chianti!


Some fans of a particular Merlot,

Cannot resist—they just can’t say no!


They smell the cork of a Sauvignon blanc,

As if it had been right next to a skunk.


In judging a seven-year old Syrah,

It’s less expertise and lots of chutzpah.


A wine connoisseur might know her Rieslings,

Just as a spud expert knows his shoestrings.


Most people think that a perfect pairing,

Is Chardonnay and lobster; it’s worth sharing.


A nice Amarone goes well with lamb,

I wound not recommend any with Spam.


Vino Nobile and Barolo rock,

Nouveau experts are part fraud, part jock.


Someone who’s a genuine oenophile,

Might be a Francophile or rank and file.


There are many phonies in the wine world,

The things that I’ve heard have made my toes curl.


Tastes tobacco, chocolate and leather too,

Cut grass and sneakers—it’s like an old shoe!


Ten grand for a sip of Jefferson’s stash,

A beer drinker would just dump it like trash.


Prestige, pretention—to some, that’s the thing,

Sommeliers can tell if it ain’t got that swing!


Premier Grand Cru—a French designation,

Positions a wine for elevation.


The vintage, the maker, it’s sheer distress,

Drink it in jeans or oblige the noblesse.


The social weight of a Baccarat stem,

Raises up the contents from rock to gem.


Battles have raged over concord—the grape,

It’s perfect with a peanut butter crepe!


Restaurant-fear of intimidation,

Later results in self-flagellation.


Send back a bottle that’s over the hill,

Drink water with meds—no wine with a pill.


Wine can taste earthy or eucalyptus,

What do popes drink? Just ask Benedictus.


They can taste musky, fleshy or chewy,

Opulent, velvety even gooey.


Cat’s pee or barnyard would ruin a meal,

Pairing’s important but what goes with eel?


Namedroppers boast of what’s in their cellars,

Wine connoisseurs are known as cave dwellers.


Wine has a language that may sound like Greek,

Grape-lore and legend create a mystique.


Alone in a glass, wine can be sublime,

For wine snobs alas, it’s really show time!





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3 Comments on “Whine About Wine
  1. Almost 2,500 year ago, Diogenes the Cynic seemed to be eternally looking for an honest man. At least that is his lasting moniker today. Few know that his search included other things too:

    “What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others.”

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