The President’s Summer Reading List

Book Cover of “Whoops” by William Henry Harrison

 

With Mar-a-Lago about to close for the season and many of their foreign workers with temporary H2-B visas packing their suitcases, the President will be relocating to his northern White House in Bedminster, NJ.  This President needs a burger, pizza and a golf course within arm’s reach and The Trump International Golf Course will be his go-to place from May until the fall.   With the summer upon us, Donald will have even more time for recreation and he’s happiest when there’s club in his busy hands.  

Many associate time-off with catching up on reading.  This is definitely not Donald who last used a book as a booster chair when he was 3.  But he recently admitted during a rare candid interview that this presidency thing is more time-consuming and complex than he originally thought.  So, completely out-of-character, he had his babysitter Ivanka put together some summer reading to smooth the transition from golfing mogul to golfing mogul at a new address.  The Amazon delivery arrived and we had a chance to peek at what the President will be perusing when he’s not watching Fox and Friends.

1) The 10 Biggest Mistakes I Made as President by William Henry Harrison.  The 9th President of the US served only 32 days before pneumonia sent him to cloud storage.  But, as we see from this account, which was excerpted from his personal diaries and fashioned into a presidential self-help manual, he was a very self-critical leader amassing a host of errors in only a month.  This ten best/worst have been included in this handbook for future leaders.  The story of his being caught in the stables is my favorite.

2) First Steps by General George Washington (forward written by Washington’s dentist and confidante, Dr. Hiram Lockjaw).  Our first and most notable president had to forge his own way.  Among his guides was The Bill of Rights, which contains the first 10 amendments of the US Constitution.  Ivanka thought instead of tackling all 27 amendments in the current document, just starting with baby steps and reading one a night as a special bedtime story would be a reward for being a good boy who doesn’t tweet.

3) English as a Foreign Language by Martin van Buren (8th President of the US).  This 24-page booklet by the only President whose first language was not English (it was Dutch), should help President Trump with some of the multi-syllabled, longer words he has yet to master.  He is great at so many things but communication, sentence structure and vocabulary remain insurmountable hurdles to our 45th President.

4) Fooling the Rich by Bernie Madoff.  This how-to by the greatest con man in the history of the United States is a must read if you want to fool most of the people most of the time.  Still alive and currently serving a 150-year prison sentence, this first paperback from the man who really knew how to cook the books, captures simple, crude details of the “eight essential ingredients” needed to swindle your audience.  This book comes with a 100% money-back guarantee of satisfaction from Mr. Madoff himself.  (save your receipt)

5) The Truth—Why? An anthology of essays by some of the most notorious liars in history.  “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” Starting with this premise by Adolph Hitler, things deteriorate from there and although President Trump is already quite expert at the art of lying, distortion and deceit, his family thought he could only hone those talents with some new ideas from famous frauds.  Featuring Charles Ponzi, Benedict Arnold (not the inventor of eggs Benedict), Herodotus (major ancient Greek story teller), Bernie Madoff, Richard Nixon and many more fabulous fabricators, this will become Donald’s bedside bible.  

6) Let Them Eat Crumbs by Marie Antoinette (France’s last Queen).  Usually misquoted by non-French speakers who substitute “cake” for crumbs, Marie held her subjects in very low esteem.  While he clearly practices much of her behavior, Donald’s family thought he could brush up on some of the finer (European) points of being an authoritarian with a pedigree.  

7) Waving My Magic Wand by Johnny Holmes.  Hardly a Harry Houdini do-it-yourself guide to prestidigitation, this diary by the late famous porn actor is merely a modern version of the greatest womanizer in history, Giacomo Casanova whose tales of debauchery and sexual extreme in 18th Century Venice reached new heights in unbridled lust.  Like Casanova, Trump fondles the word “misogynist” as a badge of honor and despite his small hands, puts himself side-by-side with history’s greatest promiscuous predators.  This 108-page version contains 84 pages of full-color pictures.

Thor

06/08/17

 

Cover of The Truth…Why? by Bernie madoff