Donald Trump is so sad

Everyone is making Donald Trump sad. Being President is soooo hard, and Donald hates everyone in the white house…everyone! He is so glad it is the weekend and can run away to play golf and not get locked in a closet by John Kelly.  NBC made him look like a moron, and everyone agreed. His big IQ just cannot remember the names of those little countries in Africa so he made some up. He was so excited to sign the latest executive order to destroy Obamacare, that he forgot to sign it, so sad! Senator Corker said those nasty things about him and then said that Liddle Donald would blow us all up by starting WW3, and he’s a Republican. He’s pretty sure he invented the word”fake”. Donald Trump is sad because he looked and sounded like an idiot all week long… he must be tired of winning.

we laughed until we cried!

Not since Martin and Lewis have we had a comedy duo like T & P. We can’t stop laughing, our sides are hurting from the hilarious routines they come up with. Trump plays the moron and Pence the lackey, bobble-head sidekick. It’s like watching the 3 stooges minus one. Yesterday was their best stunt yet. T sent P to a professional football game with orders to make an idiotic spectacle when all the players did not stand during the national anthem. Well, P was ready with his tweets and the cameras were rolling, he pretended to be outraged and saluted the flag so much his arm hurt. When we stopped laughing, we started crying because this stunt cost the taxpayers almost a half a million dollars. Imagine how many school lunches that would buy for hungry children. Instead we had to witness a half assed stunt by dumb and dumber to keep a controversy alive so no one notices they are idiots..

Trump saves Puerto Rico with paper towels!

Donald Trump’s quick action in Puerto Rico saves the island and restores balance in the universe. 10 days after hurricane Maria destroyed Puerto Rico, Trump was fed up with the slow pace of recovery. He knew that the local population was taking too many siestas and posing for selfies with CNN…he had to take matters into his own hands. He put on his special “Presidential” windbreaker and Melania got into her special disaster spike heels and they flew to Puerto Rico. After quickly assessing the billions of dollars in damage, the loss of 36 lives and the lack of clean drinking water. the President took action.He quickly picked up a roll of paper towels and tossed them to reporters for a monumental photo-op. The entire island shook and the population cheered and sang in the streets! Trump saved the day again. He bounded into Airforce one, heading off to Las Vegas with a roll of toilet paper under his arm.

Pure evil wins again

Once again, evil and greed win. This is not about second amendment rights or an americans right to own a gun…it is pure evil. Innocent people were murdered with an automatic weapon because the Republicans will not consider passing sensible and needed gun control laws. Republicans, the NRA and Wayne Lapierre have blood all over their hands. This is about making a buck by selling military grade weapons that can kill quickly and efficiently. This is about using a diversionary argument, second amendment rights to sell guns, regardless of who gets hurt. This is madness, most second graders would see through this ruse. The Republicans just want the NRA’s political donations. This money is covered in innocent blood and pollutes our political system. Please stand up and fight for what is right, we must stop this madness and pure evil.

Trump supporter pretty excited about his new tax cut windfall

Trump voter Jerome Lassiter is very excited about the President’s proposed tax cuts for the middle class. “I knew he was a man of his word, he said he would cut my taxes and thats just what he is proposing!” “This time John McCain wouldn’t dare vote against tax cuts for us hard working american’s.” Jerome explained to the reporter that when Donald Trump makes a promise, he keeps it. He also blamed the mainstream press for making the president seem like a lair, conman and a racist. “It’s all fake news, thats all it is!” When asked how he would use the $2 and 10 cents he would save, compared to Donald Trump saving close to a billion dollars, Jerome thought silently and said: “he would have to think on that.” he dropped his Trump doll and walked away sobbing.

Trump assures country he is not a racist

Donald Trump appearing at an quickly called press conference this afternoon wanted to assure the american public that he is not a racist. “I loved the Jeffersons and I almost bought a Popeyes once.”  He also tried to calm the rush to judgement about his comments concerning NFL protestors, ‘I am not picking on rich black men who would be in jail or driving a cab if not for football.” “That is a false assumption, I have hired many fine back men to clean my buildings or wash my cars.” When asked why he was appearing in blackface at the press conference, Trump said,” I wanted to send a special signal to all my voters that I sympathize with all black men and respect their god given right to work for any white man they chose.”

It’s about to get crazier for the Republicans.

If you have missed it, former disgraced Judge Roy Moore is running for the senate in Alabama. He was twice disbarred from his judgeships in disgrace and is an admitted religious zealot, very anti-LBGT and a racist. He is running against Luther Strange, a more moderate Republican, backed by the RNC. At this point Luther is losing to Moore by 25 points in the polls. Just a few days ago Moore created additional turmoil in a speech by saying this about the divisions in the US. “Now we have blacks and whites fighting, REDS and YELLOWS fighting, Democrats and Republicans fighting,” Reds and yellows??? Now the Republicans don’t even think of masking their racism. It is mind boggling to think that the people of Alabama could elect a lunatic and racist to the senate. Hey Mitch…you’re in for more fun times!

Steve Bannon loses touch with reality on 60 Minutes last night!

Last nigh on 60 Minutes Charlie Rose interviewed Steve Bannon, and insanity ensued. First, we are not sure why 60 Minutes would give an interview to a loser who couldn’t hold down a staff job for longer than an intern but, what universe is Steve Bannon living on? He thinks he is a street fighter, a tough, take no prisoner kind of guy. He thinks Trump is too! WHAT!!! These guys wouldn’t last 5 minutes in any real street. He was completely fine with the “grab em” tape and that it actually helped Trump get elected. Our guess is he will use the infamous “Pee Tape” as a campaign ad in 2020. Steve Bannon’s moral compass is so messed up he actually threw the catholic church under the bus on DACA, claiming they need immigrants to fill the pews. This interview gave america a chance to see what the Trump administration is really like behind the curtain and they are certainly not living in the same universe as the rest of us.

Trump has secret plan to fix Texas

Donald Trump visited flood torn Texas today and informed everyone he has a secret plan to take care of the flooding and get Houston up and running by next week. Standing in chest high water he waved to the great crowd while blaming Mitch McConnell for the hurricane. When asked what his secret plan was he said,” if I tell you, it’s not a secret, but it’s a great, great plan, and let me tell you everyone will be back in their homes by Sunday.” Idiot Governor Greg Abbott beamed when he heard that everything will be ok according to Trump. “Wow, I was really worried but Trump always keeps his promises.” As Trump was getting on Airforce 1 he invited everyone in Houston to Ma-a-Largo for a barbecue this weekend.

God really angry at insane Paula White

God has had enough! Donald Trump’s idiot spiritual advisor Paula White believes that contrary to the actual teachings of Jesus Christ, God blesses the true believers with material wealth and puts them in positions of power. Also she stated that going against the president is actually going against God himself. According to God he is through having his named associated with Donald Trump and evangelical leaders. God exclaimed, “I am sick of these so called religious leaders using my name to get rich and hurt the poor,” Afterwards a calmed down God confided in the pope that he is pretty much done with humans. He feels that he really made a mistake with Adam and Eve and he probably should start over. He is considering letting a giant asteroid hit the planet again before Trump ends his vacation.

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