Donald Trump Diary Entry – 8/8/17 – Memo to Self

Little Donald writing in his diary


Let’s nickname Steve Miller The Intimidator.  I like that.  He’s a little attack dog when he takes a bite out of a reporter.  And he does my bidding.  Nice.  I’m thinking of putting him in charge of those animals in the press room.  He’s scary looking and that’s a plus.

General Kelly may be a problem.  I agreed to too many things like who gets to see me.  If I wanted a doorkeeper, I’d get a lock.   He is organized and strategic and I like that but I like chaos too.  Bannon likes disorder.  He says it keeps everyone on their toes.  Surprise attack!  I’ll give Kelly a month.  If he oversteps, I’ll call him an Uber.

I’m pissed at Pence.  I think he’s planning an end-run while I’m still on the field.  Check to see if I can fire him.  I need a couple of plans to deal with a hungry VP nipping at my heels.  Can’t trust him.  Get Hannity to plant a fake story about him liking to teach young boys in Sunday school.

Rex is my straight man but he seems a little testy lately.  I heard that he doesn’t like Jared’s in charge of the Middle East, Mexico and elsewhere.  Jeez, I tried to be fair dividing up the whole world.  I gave him the biggest piece.  He’s too calm and focused–he may not last.  Trump’s style is different and he should’ve learned that by now.

I listened to my phone calls with the heads of Mexico and Australia three or four times.  Boy, am I good or what?  Those guys just didn’t know what to say when I was done.  I can be diplomatic when I have to.  Fear works.  That’s what I tell everyone.  

I should raise the membership fees in Bedminster.  People should pay to be around Trump–the most powerful man in the world.  Melania’s a lucky girl. 

Glad I have an excuse to be on the golf course while they fix that dump called The White House.  Bannon loves that it’s called White—me too. 

Got to order some new, bigger suits.  The second scoop of ice cream is taking a toll.  

It’s hard being me.